Be Kind To Yourself Mama

What is true compassion? Remember to Be Kind to Yourself after Birth Trauma

You may have heard of Brene Brown (if you haven’t she gave one of the most-viewed TED Talk in history on shame and vulnerability).  She recently spoke to Russell Brand on his Under The Skin podcast about vulnerability, socio-politics and also explored whether we truly are compassionate when we say we are. 


The way she defined compassion just made so much sense to me. She says it is the belief that everyone in their own situation and circumstances are doing the best they can, with the resources they have in hand at the time. 

We can apply this idea to the way we interact and serve others but most importantly I feel that we can forget to think like this about our former selves, especially after a negative or traumatic birth experience.

How can I have more self-compassion?

Self-compassion means trusting that you are being the best mother, parter, sister, colleague, you can and that’s enough, that’s ok.  It can be challenging to accept that during your last birth, you made the best decision with the information you had at the time. 

Be compassionate to yourself, to that version of you then, the one that didn’t have the hindsight of what you know now. You did the best you could at the time.

This story that we tell ourselves, that our bodies failed us, that we made the wrong decisions, that we didn’t speak up or didn’t assert our needs, is from our present self, us in the here and now . All the guilt, shame, anger, loss and regret we may hold after birth can cloud our ability to view our past self with any sort of compassion or kindness.  

Next time you find yourself being caught in a negative thought cycle about yourself or your decisions at that time, try and accept that you did your best with the information and resources you had at the time. 

If you decide to have another baby you bring the knowledge from your previous experiences, your individual story, and know that you may need to prepare for this birth a bit differently. 

Hey Mama can help. My courses are personal and tailored depending on your story. My passion is supporting women with second or subsequent births or mental health challenges such as PND, anxiety or loss to have a positive birth story to tell.

Rachel Clarke